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saturday, october 21 | 11:54 am.

(0619)
So James and Ed found my journal, which is going to lead me to lock it up from now (or at least everytime I mention them.) Because they are losers (and also university always seems to get dull late afternoon) they started to read it all starting from the very beginning. James even has a file on his computer where he has cut and posted the most embarrassing lines in an attempt to blackmail me. Funnily enough I'm not reall all that embarrassed by the shit that a fifteen year old me used to post in here, especially because I've already gone through my journal and locked all the most embarrassing entries already.

So yes, locking my journal from now, and if they happen to ask about it, I'll just tell them that I gave up updating.
thursday, october 19 | 2:35 pm.

(0618)
James and Ed are super cool.
saturday, october 14 | 1:40 pm.

(0617)
I'm not that depressed anymore, even though today I have every reason to be, because I locked myself out of my room, and then got lost when we went to this stupid societies thing. Justin was super excited to go for the prospect of free stuff, but I didn't get that much free stuff at all. Except I did join the indie society and they gave me a CD and some badges. Now, because I got lost, I am sitting in my room all alone, while the boys are probably off having adventures. Oh well, I will get over that. Which means that I have nothing to do right now, so will probably end up telling you all about my adventures concerning not hating university, because I haven't done that yet.

So I'm in York. I'm not all that sure where that is in the country. The North? Probably. It is sort of cold here, but not that bad. I've not been wearing all that many clothes but did get very cold when we went to the pub yesterday due to my lack of sleeves. I am living in a dorm room on the ground floor, and live with some people. I know them all semi-well because we are forced to share toilets (one between five people) and a kitchen. Although the kitchen on our floor doesn't exist, because it is just a microwave, so we have to use the kitchen upstairs. Except so far all I've cooked is pasta, and that wasn't very good, and Lewis had to help me, because he is half-Italian, so likes to think that he knows a lot about pasta.

Lewis lives on my floor with James. They knew each other previously, and are my new friends. Except they might hate each other now because James is a slob and Lewis is ... Lewis? (James annoys me a bit actually, because he tends to just insult people randomly, which they often don't like.) I think Lewis has asked to move. I spent far too much time with those two, and also Ed, their friend from their previous lives, who lives over the road. Ed is great. Except yesterday when he was searching through my laptop he did tell me that he didn't like M.Ward, and that Stars are over rated. Which makes me amazed that he knew who those two were, but he is wrong, because Stars are great. Also on my floor is Helen, who seems nice, but is rather dull. Then there is me, and next door to me, Anna, who is very pretty and quite nice. She has the best selection of clothes in the world, but also seems very quiet. Then there is John, who listens to Kate Bush and Jimi Hendrix (Hendrix apparently vomitted in a room somewhere around here). He was playing Hurt last night on his guitar, but it was the Johnny Cash version, not the NIN's one. Then at the other end of the coridor is John and Ben. Ben has a bit of a silly beard, and John may be mentally unstable. He is also permentally drunk. Then there is Kate, who listens to heavy metal and gets drunk a lot, and giggles. And finally Ian, who doesn't look like he should be called Ian at all. But I like Ian. Those are the people on my floor. There are other people on the other floors, like Max, who I like, and Charlotte, who looks like Rose Byrne, and wants to kill James. (lots of people want to kill James though. Most recently it is Helen, because yesterday he drunkenly admitted to peeing in the shower.)

And now I'm bored again. I might make myself some soup, or some sort of food, because I haven't eaten since last night, with the pasta, and Ed threw half of it at the wall because apparently it sticks when it is cooked? I don't know. They are crazy. But I still wish that they were here right now, so that I could hang out with them. Ian is around somewhere, I saw him like two seconds ago. So are John and Ben, but they both have their girlfriends with them at the moment (We have been here a week and already their girlfriends are visiting????) So yes, now I'm less sad, just bored. I have two poems to be reading, plus a translation of Beawolf, but I have an awful lot of time to busy myself with those. Blah.

I need a hobby.
friday, october 13 | 8:56 am.

(0616)
I always feel so shitty in the morning. I wake up with a lump in the my throat and a stomach that feels like a big black hole. It's shitty. Although I guess that's because I have nothing to do in the morning, and so just sit in my room and feel sorry for myself, just like I'm doing right now. All the other times I can do stuff, and recently stuff has mainly involved hanging out with the posh boys at the end of the hallway all the time. I realised last night that I spent twelve hours with them yesterday, which mainly involved playing darts and listening to the Cure, and them drinking an awful lot of beer. They remind me a lot of my old friends, so I like them.

There are all these other possible friends scattered around. But I tend to get very annoyed with them, like yesterday when they got very drunk and were annoying. Because at the moment we are just being friends with people on our floor, which is so boring, but where else are we going to get friends. (although I do also have a new 'friend', Steven, who I flirted with yesterday, even though he split his stupid cola based drink on my leggings. Steven looks so much like Johnathan Rice that I can't actually quite believe it.)

I need to get some food now, although my big black hole of a stomach is sort of rejecting food at the moment.
thursday, october 12 | 8:57 am.

(0615)
I still feel shitty. I've been having serious conversations with my mother about what will happen if I drop out. I have been here for four days and I am thinking of dropping out. How pathetic is that? Super pathetic. Although however pathetic it is, I still do feel horrible at the moment, to such an extent that I am wondering why I am here.

Although I had a nice time last night, because the posh pretty boys from down the hallway bought me drinks all night and then we all sat in my room and watched the news. And then one of them fell asleep in my bed. Except then they went back to their beds, and I tried to get to sleep, because I still haven't slept properly yet. And I didn't sleep. But I have a meeting with my supervisor this morning, so I think I might tell him that I am feeling shitty. Just because I think I need to tell someone. I told some people yesterday I was feeling shitty. Well less told them, more of they just saw my red eyes and running nose and enquired if I was okay. Except when I told them I was homesick they just went 'oh dear' and weren't really all that helpful. Plus it kind of worried me, because I wonder off with the boys yesterday and while they called me to check where I was, I didn't answer, so I could be dead in a ditch somewhere and no one would have noticed. I think that's what scares me a little here. No one really cares about me.

Also I am slightly pissed off, because the fire alarm went off when I was in the shower. In the shower! I had to grab clothes and shoes before I could rush outside, my hair all wet and myself all angry.
monday, october 09 | 5:22 pm.

(0614)
I feel shitty now. I feel like I want to pack my bags and catch the next train to London, and work in Sainsbury's for the rest of my life. Really. Really, really. I wouldn't go as far to say I hate it, but being here makes me feel so uncomfortable that I want to go home. Why force yourself to feel so crappy? Why would anyone want to feel like this? Fuck! Why would anyone pay for this? This stupid little room on the ground floor surrounding by people who are probably perfectly nice, but who I have little in common with. I want to go home a lot. But I can't. I told my mother I want to leave and she shouted at me down the phone. Because I am a quitter. I have always been a quitter. When I don't like something I come up with ways to get out of them. And when it's a situation like this those ways to get out seem to start seeming a little stupid, like running away, or breaking a limb, or getting diagnosed with some horrible mental illness. Plotting fake suicides that so that someone will come and take me out of this place. And I know I am being melodramatic, because that is what I do best, but I do really feel so uncomfortable and so awkward and so 'please let me leave now' that I don't know what else I should do.
monday, october 09 | 1:17 pm.

(0613)
Oh My God! I am here. It is crazy. I now have the internet, but in order to get it, I had to ask some boy upstairs to buy me the right connections! Now I need to go to English and sign up. I have no idea where English is. Hooray!
saturday, october 07 | 9:19 pm.

(0612)
I am currently packing my entire life into the back of my dad's car. Because tomorrow I am running away to university. And yes, I know it's crazy that I am going this late, I don't know why I'm going this late actually. Maybe we should ask them. Although it's not really my life in the back of the car. Because looking around my room it really doesn't seem that much is missing. Some DVDs, a couple of books. All my clothes. Just stuff. But that's nice, because it means when I run back home in three weeks, my room will still look like my room.

And that was a joke. I don't plan on running back in three weeks. Mainly because I'd be really bored back here. Plus if I was home it would mean getting a joke and doing stuff. At university I can just sit around and pretend to learn, as thus avoid the real world for another three whole years. It's all good. I am still slightly terrified that the people will be scary and that I will be scared, but I'm really not that worried right now. Mainly I don't think I've really realised that I'm going yet. Because it seems so odd to be leaving home (albeit for ten weeks.)

Oh well. I am betting that the next few entries will be along the ideas of 'Oh! I hate it here!'
wednesday, october 04 | 11:26 pm.

(0611)
I haven't updated for a long time. I maybe blame the fact that the internet is starting to lose its appeal rather quickly, and also that I am rather busy preparing myself for university. Plus also waving farewell to everyone, who all left weeks ago, and I still haven't, even though I am terrified that maybe I read my letter wrong, and maybe school started a week ago. But that is because I am a professional paranoid person. But whatever. Currently I am packing, which will take the next three days I have until I leave, easily. I have too many clothes anyway, I will admit to being somewhat of a fashion victim, or at least for spending far too much in Topshop.

I had an exciting story to tell here, concerning how yesterday we went to Nobu, and saw both Thandie Newton and Michael Caine (and spent three hundred dollars on dinner.) Except that previously that day we had already seen Emma Bunton, and also James Hewitt and Roman Abramovich, and that made me laugh, because people seem to think that famous people hang out in London, but I never see them. And then I did. The end.

I am not writing coherently right now, because I am half watching The Rules of Attraction, which I've seen numberous times, but always rewatch, because I like it. Except maybe I should be considering it a college morality tale, even though I doubt I will descend into some crazed hedonistic lifestyle, because I am still scared of vodka. But then I was speaking to my best friend today and she told me about how she went to see Wolfmother and this guy she knows took a line of speed before they went and also another time she went to a party and everyone took E. I have not seen her for three months, so we needed to catch up, and she told me her drug stories, and I told her my sex stories, because there were some good ones. But it sort of made me realise that drugs are real, because I don't actually know anyone who does anything hardcore, because I am not counting cannabis. Because I know far too many people who smoke weed. Except my cousin, who is seventeen years old, recently had a mental breakdown, and I think they blame all the weed that he was taking. And it probably was.

This entry makes no sense. It's not even midnight and I am typing complete shite. Sorry.
thursday, september 21 | 7:51 pm.

(0610)
I ended up catching an old episode of Roswell this afternoon. I've actually seen bits of quite a lot of them recently, which is mainly due to the fact that I've been doing nothing else for the past three weeks but watch television. But today they all went to Las Vegas, and had fun. I remember that episode. I remember that I tend to consider that episode to be the last, because after that it really went downhill. The Alex storyline was stupid, and letting Tess be the bast guy even stupider. Especially when we remember that future Max told Liz to break up with present Max, because if she didn't Tess would leave, and then they'd be too weak to fight some sort of evil, I can't quite remember what, but it was world ending evil (isn't it always?) So rewatching these episodes has really been an exercise in picking out the flaws. There are a lot of them. None of the actors are all that good (Brenden Fehr in particular is horrible.) the script is flimsy. Isabel look twenty-seven, not seventeen. Basically it's a bit rubbish. But I was fourteen when I watched it, and loved it, so I think it was okay.

Except due to rediscovering Roswell I found myself browsing through the Roswell forum on FF. And the Roswell fans were always the oddest, I found. That they still long for a long dead fandom, and believe that the show will be rediscovered, on the merit of its greatness. And it's nice that these people still love the show, but really it's a bit scary. (Okay, I'll admit that a lot of it is scary when I realise a great deal of these people are over thirty.)

That said I am a hypocrite, because I've fallen in love with this amazingly bad Australian teen show called Blue Water High. It's got surfers it it! And today one of them got lost in the outback due to his competitive streak! (Except actually that was only one of two episodes that I watched today.) Seriously it's very bad for my health, although it may have revived my shipper streak, which has been dead since the last season of Buffy (Heath & Fly are my OTP!)
wednesday, september 20 | 7:56 pm.

(0609)
I thought I would post a follow up to this in a seperate entry, because it makes the whole thing a lot easier.

So for Gracie here is Ryan Adams - Gold

I didn't upload any Rilo Kiley Scarlet, on account of your computer being broken, so I assumed that with that your access to iTunes is down to. But when you get it all working again I would be happy to upload some Rilo Kiley for you.
tuesday, september 19 | 3:23 pm.

(0608)
'Pirate Day' can just fuck off. (although it's full name is 'Talk Like A Pirate Day' meaning that really it shouldn't mean that the coding for livejournal goes all crazy for a day.) Obviously I blame Johnny Depp for the sudden interest in pirates, plus also scene kids, who love them as much as they love dinosaurs and robots.

Because pirates? Really not cool at all. In fact they were dirty and smelly and nasty, with no moral codes. And bleeding gums. Totally not even slightly sexy, and really nothing to aspire to be. And maybe I'm just grumpy because I'm very, very sleepy. But grrr to pirates. They are rubbish.

p.s. I'll upload those CDs some time late tonight most likely, but now I just want to go and have a nap.
sunday, september 17 | 11:38 pm.

(0607)
http://www.recordnerd.com/lists/sarah.the.great

I spent the whole afternoon/evening/it's probably night by now sorting this out. It was mainly for my own piece of mind, but realised after I was done that I wanted to show it off, because look, my music taste is better than yours, but also because I wanted to be nice, and ask if I happened to have an album that someone wanted, and if they did, I'd be more than happy to upload it for them.
friday, september 15 | 7:04 pm.

(0606)
About fifteen minutes ago I discovered that they were very, quite possibly knocking down the Astoria. Now, to be honest, I never much like going to gigs there, because I think it's a bit of a large venue (it's not really, but I'm used to seeing bands in the back rooms of pubs, so for me it's MASSIVE) But it has memories attached to it. The Dresden Dolls played an amazing gig there in May. It was the first place I saw both Rilo Kiley and Death Cab live. It was also where I went to my first ever gig. It was an Avril Lavigne concert.

So, damn the man, save the Astoria.
friday, september 15 | 12:43 pm.

(0605)
I feel a little bit shitty right now, which is odd, because I expected yesterday to be my day of repenting. I spent Wednesday night (which was two days ago, this sidenote is more for me than you, seeing as my days have just become one massive lump of days.) at a friends house. I drank enough, but surely not a lot. I started drinking water at midnight. Joe found out and threatened to pur his beer into my water, but then decided instead he would just pour it all over me. I remember all this. I also remember walking in a straight line. And while I did flirt horribly with a male friend of mine who is pathetically good looking, yet in no way attractive, (except recently I've found myself drawn to him every time I have even the slightest bit of alcohol in my system, which is odd, because he's a bit of an idiot. But he is quite tall. Maybe it's the height that manages to woe me over.) Except I do have to add that my two thirty pathetically good looking boy was holding back my hair as I vomited. Ug.

I have never vomited due to alcohol consumption, never, ever in my life. It was nasty. So I then ended up falling asleep on the floor, and waking up with two black eyes and one blood shot one. My retching had burst blood vessels. And then yesterday to people I was out with that night were all 'oo, Sarah come out with out please!' and I went 'FU. I'm going to bed.' Which I did, because really I felt fine except for the whole being very tired thing. Except I woke up maybe an hour ago I now feel like shit. Like a massive pile of shitty shit. Plus my bloodshot eye has spread and so basically my eye is now just red.

I am never, ever drinking vodka ever again. (Disclaimer; this statement is not legally bounding, and will most likely be detracted in within two weeks.)
monday, september 11 | 3:56 pm.

(0604)
So this is very much very late. I swear I was supposed to upload this playlist maybe last week, but go distracted by doing nothing. And then I was super certain that it was going to be uploaded last night, but I got a bit caught up reading about how Harry Potter fanfiction writers are crazy people, and then they've just started showing Entourage, and I needed to watch that and so on and so forth. So now it's the 11th of the month, but hey, at least that's still the first half of the month. So without further ado....

SEPTEMBER PLAYLIST

.01 Free, But Not For Long - Bishi
.02 Latchmere - The Maccabees
.03 Alicia Keys - Jamie T
.04 The Man Sings About Romance - Laura Marling
.05 After The Fact - Jeremy Warmsley
.06 Eau De Toilette - Emily Haines
.07 The Hairy Song - Patrick Wolf
.08 Famous Blue Raincoat - The Like (Leonard Cohen cover)
.09 The Great Fear - Lupen Crook
.10 Art Bitch - Cansei De Ser Sexy
.11 Every Day I Love You Less And Less - M.I.A. (Kaiser Chiefs cover)
.12 Oh My God - Lily Allen (another Kaiser Chiefs cover)

random babble about the above tracks behind the cut!Collapse )

Surprisingly nine of the twelve artists here are British. I remember when I used to spit on British music, but that was when I believed that British music begun and ended with NME. It's amazing what you can find when you look a bit harder.
friday, september 08 | 6:59 pm.

(0603)
There are three of these on my friends page right now, but I'm under house arrest until Sunday evening, and I am bored. To such an extent I am now watching some documentary about Ashley Parker-Angel formerly of O-Town. It's not really that interesting. In fact, I can maybe feel my brain dribbling out of my ears.

Look at your LJ userpics list. If you have fewer than 50 icons, pick every fifth one. If you have between fifty and seventy-five icons, pick every seventh one. If you have over seventy-five icons, pick every tenth one. If you have fewer than ten, pick all of 'em. List them on your LJ, and tell everyone exactly why you have it, why it's interesting to you, what significance does it have.

yo, I have 43 icons right now. That's not really that many.Collapse )
monday, september 04 | 10:00 pm.

(0602)
Big shocker, I'm not written anything for this in over a week. This is not all that surprising, even though I've not exactly been doing anything. At all. In the last two days I've watched four crappy movies. Well, one was Mean Girls, which isn't crappy. But one of them was the S Club movie, so that's like watching two crappy movies. It's just that recently I feel rather like I'm growing out of the internet. Or at least the need to log on every two seconds, just in case something exciting has happened. I tend to blame the fact that I'm starting university for this, as if higher education will remove my inner geek, although I very much doubt that. And anyway, however much I stress about the dreaded university, I'm staying put for over a month. Seriously. My friend goes to art college for the first time tomorrow. He is terrified. I go off on the 9th of October. I'm at school for ten weeks, and then I come home. That's not really all that scary.

Although I have been thinking about university a lot recently, mainly because I have a massive reading list I'm supposed to get through. Right now I'm supposed to be reading Mrs Dalloway. I'm not. In fact, tomorrow I plan to go out shopping to buy the new Princess Diaries book. I know I'm eighteen, but I was fourteen when I started reading those books, legitimately the right age for them. And I swear they were supposed to only be three books in that series, meaning I would have stopped reading them at a respectable fifteen and a half. And now there's a seventh one, and I need to read it, because I've read all the rest. (I feel the same way about the Gossip Girl books, which always makes me feel very embarrassed about sneaking through the Young Adult section of the bookstore. Thankfully I can probably still easily pass for fifteen. I remember they wanted to see ID when I was trying to see V for Vendetta. Sigh, being tiny is annoying.)

But I digress. Another thing that is annoying me about university is this random girl, whose dad works with my dad. Actually her dad may have at one point been my dad's boss, and because I know my dad is fairly important, that ought to make him very important. She goes to the university I'm going to in October (she was an Oxbridge reject, as are probably 85% of the people who go there. I never bothered with Oxbridge, knowing they would laugh if I attempted to apply.) So my dad is trying to persuade me to 'hang out' with her. And I've already decided to dislike her. She sent me a text telling me that she was interning at a national newspaper this week, so we could meet up for dinner (dinner? I only eat in London in Soho. It means you're likely to get some kind of food poisoning, and also probably be able to see a sex shop through the window, but they charge no more than five pounds a head.) or maybe coffee. (Again, that's a waste of money.) Hmm, I think I'm turning into an anti-snob. But she signed her message with two kisses, which threw me. Although I could write for hours about kisses at the end of text messages. I don't do them, unless you happen to be my boyfriend or my best friend. Most people I know will give them out to anyone. And if they don't get them in return will think that you're pissed off with them. Most of these people are boys. And they're straight (well some of them aren't, but that's statics for you.)

Ug, now I've got to text her back. Maybe 'I know a cheap noodle bar off Charing Cross Street' And if you order the veggie noodles it's very unlikely you'll catch anything.
saturday, august 26 | 9:12 pm.

(0601)
Ug. I want to go to sleep, but am not going to sleep, due to the fact that going to bed at nine o'clock would ruin my party girl image, that I worked so hard to maintain. I sort of have a little hang over, but mainly I didn't go to sleep until three, because I had some friends over and we ended up staying up that late watching Baywatch. And that makes a lot more sense when you realise that 'some friends' translated to me, one other girl, and eight boys in their late teens, who between them managed to drink so much beer that I was amazed that their bladders didn't explode. Really, I don't understand beer. (Especially because I just discovered that two of my friend brought with them twenty beers, and between them drank them all. Neither of them were drunk, although one is claiming a hangover right as I type this, but neither seemed drunk, except that they kept sitting on me. But they do that when they're sober.) But now I'm going to be forced to ponder beer for a while. Hmm. Beer. Let's think about that for a while.

Okay, obviously my brain is dribbling out of my brain, due to the alcohol/late night of last night (or actually this morning) but also because from five this afternoon until nine I watched reality television. Not proper reality television, but two episodes of Project Catwalk, one episode of this show about trying to find Maria for a West End production of The Sound of Music, and then to top it off, this week's episode of Britain's Next Top Model (hooray for Sophia going! Lianne for the win, even though she is pathetic, I feel sorry for her. Plus she looks the best all the time, and it's about that, surely?)

So yes, now I'm going to try and write something for Players, which might suck, because I am tired. Oh well.
thursday, august 24 | 10:54 am.

(0600)
Can some one upload Cobra Starship's "Snakes On A Plane (Bring It)", because during the period when the internet fell in love with it I thought it was stupid. And now I still think that it is stupid, but in a good way. And now I have such a want to listen to it. Thank you.

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